also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
