Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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