he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
