you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
