I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
