You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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