god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
