I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
