um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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