Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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