I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
