Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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