Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
