I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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