As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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