I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
