I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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