i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
