last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
