pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
