i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
