Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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