I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
