i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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