we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
