I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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