it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
