My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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