Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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