What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
