so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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