are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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