everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My vagina is officially offended.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
