Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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