last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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