new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Of course I have a pirate flag
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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