I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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