It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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