Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
