I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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