I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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