I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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