What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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