he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
