I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
