Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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