who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
