she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
