I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your penis caused this!
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