There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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