Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
