I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
