roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
