and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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