Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
